I hate dreams.
Just at the point where I feel myself healing, I’ll have a dream, and it will throw me off again. And, I don’t know what to do with that.
Dreams are often defined as the thoughts in our subconscious that we play out in our sleep. Hmmm. So how do we take those thoughts captive? If I ever had a conscious thought of the scenarios that play out in my dreams, I would take them captive in Jesus name and get over it! But, I’m sleeping, completely unaware and I’m attacked. I don’t know what to do with that.
Let me elaborate, I’m not talking bad dreams, sinful dreams…(Though I wouldn’t know what to do with those either) but dreams that simply take me back to the very thing that I’m trying to heal from. In my day to day life, the life where I’m submitting, relinquishing and moving forward, I’m staying away from those thoughts. If they dare to creep up, I distract myself, subvert them, take them captive, but in my dreams they take me captive. Sigh.
And I wake up.
And I’m overwhelmed, distracted, and feel guilty all over again. Bleh. It’s not fair, and I can’t make sense of it, and the more I have these dreams the less I feel removed from my sin. What do I do with that?
Well, today, I’m taking a page from David. I’m talking to my soul and saying, “What’s wrong with you?! Put your hope in God!” I’m reminding myself that I can’t beat myself up for what I can’t control! I can’t condemn myself for what I can’t choose! I can’t let my thoughts completely screw up my day! I’m on vacation for Heavens sake! “Blog about it and move on!” So that’s what I did… (fingers crossed).