I am scared.
That’s not an admission of guilt; it’s a transparent expression of fear.
I am scared of what I don’t know, what I can’t see, what I can’t quite put my fingers on, and what puts its hands around me.
I can utter a million reasons why I shouldn’t be. I can recite scripture after scripture of how God wouldn’t have me fear, doesn’t want me to fear, and begs me not to fear…and yet… I fear. Doesn’t mean I don’t trust Him, I do. But He knows I fear, and He has compassion on that fear, and gently guides my heart to peace.
I am fragile.
That’s not meaning I am weak; it’s means instead that I am vulnerable.
I am vulnerable to the emotions of others, to my own feelings, to the way that others see me, and the way I see myself.
I can hold a grip around my heart and beg it not to beat, not to bleed or feel the internal struggle and the worlds needs. I can remember His Word that says I am strong and brave and courageous and able to do anything through the power of His name. But, I’m fragile just the same.
I am small.
Though my frame is slight and my height petite, this is my humble reality.
I am too small to change the world by myself, to save any desperate soul, or to end any wrenching heartache.
I can’t even pretend I am more when I am not. I don’t expect to have the answers, to rescue anyone from any pain. I don’t imagine I can hold my ground with any giant that steps upon my land. Not in myself. In myself, I am merely small…merely human.
But when I commit my scared, fragile, small self into the hands of a powerful, strong, and mighty God, who I am ceases to matter. Who He is becomes my destiny! And I let the words of His character roll off of my tongue and slide down my heart and into my soul –
He is peace.
He is a strong tower.
He holds the universe in His hands.
And because of Him, I am.